“Quickly pack! We are leaving on the next flight!” I overheard my father urgently telling my mother one day. At just four years old, I felt restless and uncertain hearing this alarming news. East Timor, my birthplace, was in turmoil. Our family witnessed unimaginable suffering, with killings and starvation devastating our homeland. Desperation drove families like ours to flee. From a very young age, I learned that life is never static, nor is our world. Every transition, whether anticipated or unexpected, shapes our journey. It is an opportunity to re-create ourselves. In this article, I will share effective tools for managing change, helping you adapt and thrive during challenging times.

Since leaving East Timor, I have lived in three other countries, constantly adjusting to diverse cultures. From childhood to adulthood, student to employee, then to employer, my life has been in constant flux. I’ve changed jobs numerous times, even switching careers. From being single to becoming a wife, from a daughter to a mother, and from being cared for to becoming a carer, I’ve experienced a myriad of transitions. One day we are healthy, the next day we might not be, as I shared in the first part of this series about my mother’s cancer diagnosis (click here to read, “Refining Our Meaning and Purpose in Life After a Tragic Event”).

Our existence is a journey of transitions, some anticipated and others unexpected and challenging. Whether it's the loss of a loved one, a sudden job change, or any personal upheaval, the ability to adapt is crucial. Here are some of the most constructive tools I’ve learned through personal and professional experience to help you navigate these changes successfully.

Identify and Manage Your Emotions

Change inevitably evokes a spectrum of emotions. Depending on the nature of the transition, these emotions can range from powerful to mild, and from positive to negative. In my work with clients experiencing rage and anger, I've found that these intense emotions often mask deeper feelings of helplessness and overwhelm. By working through these underlying emotions, individuals can process the grief and pain associated with difficult events in their lives.

Recognizing and accepting your emotions is crucial. Transitions can trigger a wide range of feelings, including excitement, fear, and sadness. These emotions significantly influence how we engage with or resist change. By acknowledging and embracing these emotions, you create the necessary space to process them in a healthy manner.

Maintain Routine Where Possible

When I moved to Toronto almost two decades ago to join my then-boyfriend (now husband), I felt disoriented and lost during the first few months of unemployment. The days stretched into long, lonely periods of wondering when I would find meaningful work again. However, I found solace in maintaining familiar routines from back home, such as my morning runs and journaling sessions. These practices were instrumental in helping me adjust to my new environment.

While change is inevitable, maintaining certain aspects of your routine can provide comfort and stability. By keeping some parts of your day consistent, like meal times or a morning run, you can create anchor points that help you navigate the uncertainties of transition.

Journaling: A Therapeutic Outlet

I started keeping a journal in high school but stopped during university until I came across Pennebaker’s research. Pennebaker and Chung (2011) explored the connections between expressive writing and physical and mental health. Their study found that ‘when people transform their feelings and thoughts about personally upsetting experiences into language, their physical and mental health often improve’.

Writing is therapeutic for me. When I write about my emotional states connected to an event, I find that naming the emotions helps me tame them. This process makes it easier to reframe difficult circumstances and see their silver linings. Therefore, writing about your thoughts and emotions can be incredibly therapeutic during transitions. Journaling allows you to articulate feelings you might not be ready to verbalize, providing a private outlet for emotional release. Additionally, looking back on previous entries can offer insights into how you’ve managed challenges and grown over time. It also helps you remember the events of your life, enabling you to connect past and present behaviors.

Goal Setting and the Power of Planning

In 2002, Associate Professor Julie Pallant and I co-authored a paper on sense of coherence, well-being, coping, and personality factors. That was when I learned about the scientific evidence supporting the power of planning as a coping mechanism. Planners—those with clear goals and structured plans—tend to succeed and accomplish what they set out to do.

Creating a plan with clear, manageable goals can provide a sense of control amidst chaos. Start by identifying what aspects of your situation you can control and set short-term objectives that align with your larger goals. This approach breaks down larger challenges into smaller, achievable steps, helping to reduce feelings of overwhelm.

Growth Mindset: Adaptability and Lifelong Learning

I believe that learning to embrace change is essential for successful living in our rapidly changing world. Change often necessitates acquiring new skills or adapting existing ones to new circumstances. Cultivating a mindset of lifelong learning and being open to acquiring new knowledge not only makes you more adaptable but also boosts your confidence in handling whatever comes your way.

Whenever I face upheavals in life, my strategy for both offense and defense is to acquire knowledge about what I am dealing with. So I read. When my mum was diagnosed with cancer, I read extensively on the subject. Similarly, when I became a mother, I consumed numerous parenting books to prepare myself for the journey ahead. Three books I highly recommend for coping with transitions are Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William and Susan Bridges, Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age by Bruce Feiler, and Mindset by Carol Dweck.

Creative Outlets

Many creative artists have capitalized on their relationship breakups by expressing their experiences through songs. For instance, my daughters, who are avid Taylor Swift fans, informed me that her song "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" is about her ex. Countless other musicians have similarly channeled their struggles into lyrics that resonate deeply with the universal human experience.

Dealing with emotional upheavals during transitions through creative outlets offers various rewards, including potential financial gains. Engaging in creative activities like painting, writing, or playing music provides a constructive escape from stress. These activities offer not only a means of expression but also a way to find peace, joy, and meaning in the midst of hardship.

Practice Self-Care

Whenever I find myself in a liminal space, my sleep and regular exercise routines are often the first to suffer. I’ve noticed the same pattern in my clients' lives when they encounter difficult changes; they tend to neglect exercise and struggle with sleep. Yet, both are powerful tools for managing stress and improving mood.

Self-care is crucial during times of transition. Taking care of your physical, emotional, spiritual and mental well-being can make a significant difference. Focus on the basics: maintain a healthy diet, engage in regular exercise, ensure sufficient sleep, and create reflective spaces for contemplation. These practices help you stay balanced and resilient, enabling you to better manage the stress of change.

Cultivate Healthy Relationships: Seek Support

In my previous blog, I discussed the importance of social support following my mum’s cancer diagnosis and how it helped me navigate those challenging months. Social connections play a crucial role in mental health and well-being. Research by Holt-Lunstad and colleagues, published in PLOS Medicine, found that individuals with strong social relationships had a 50% increased likelihood of survival, regardless of age, gender, or initial health status (Holt-Lunstad, Smith, & Layton, 2010).

If you are struggling through any transitions in your life, I encourage you to seek support from trusted friends, family, and/or professionals. Don’t continue in isolation and prolong your suffering; reach out for help.

Conclusion: Thriving Through Change

Transitions are an integral part of life, but they don’t have to be overwhelming. By utilizing these tools—managing your emotions, maintaining routines, journaling, planning and setting goals, adopting a growth mindset, engaging in creative outlets, practicing self-care, and building support networks—you can navigate life’s changes with resilience, grace, and growth.

Embracing these strategies can transform your experience of life's inevitable changes, turning challenges into opportunities for personal development and deeper fulfilment.

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About the Author

Lidia Lae, Ph.D., is a writer, psychologist, and speaker, committed to empowering individuals and organisations to build healthier cultures for meaningful contribution.

Reference:

Bridges, W., Bridges, S., & Bungay Stanier, M. (2019). Transitions: making sense of life’s changes (40th anniversary edition. First Hachette Go edition). Hachette Go Books.

Dweck, C. S. (2017). Mindset: changing the way you think to fulfil your potential (Updated edition, revised edition). Robinson.

Feiler, B. (2021). Life is in the transitions: mastering change at any age. Penguin Books.

Holt-Lunstad, J., et al. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLOS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.

Pallant, J. F., & Lae, L. (2002). Sense of coherence, well-being, coping and personality factors: further evaluation of the sense of coherence scale. Personality and individual differences, 33(1), 39-48.

Pennebaker, J. W., & Chung, C. K. (2011). Expressive writing: Connections to physical and mental health. Handbook of Health Psychology, 263-284.